Hide and Seek


DeNiro. The most over-rated actor of all time. Here he is in another steaming pile of dog poop. Dakota Fanning: I've said it before and I'll say it again. The most gifted child actor of our time. Too bad she doesn't get to show it off too much in "Hide and Seek."

     Here's the gist: mother dies, father takes child to country to recouperate, child has imaginary friend that isn't so imaginary after all. No one believes her. Frustration sets in for the audience. We try to figure out who the bad guy is. I figure it out about half-way through and groan, roll over and go to sleep....but oh yeah, a cat jumps out of a closet with a screech to "scare" me (and wake me up so I had to sit through the rest of this three-ring ass-clown circus). Wow! Didn't see that coming! Had to be the most original piece of film making ever.

     Surprise surprise! The father has a split-personality! Any movie in which the secret to the whole thing is a split personality automatically gets an "F" on my grading scale. COP-OUT! God this drives me crazy! Film after film after film has this crazy twist in which one of the least likely (usually one of the main) characters has a split personality. I can't even continue. I wasted 2 hours of my life watching that crap and now I'm wasting more time writing this. But it will be worth it if I scare off at least one person from seeing another one of these gay, psychological thrillers. I'd rather clean all of the bathrooms in grand central station with my tongue than watch another of these films.....BLLLECCCCCH!


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drewbacca@moviepatron.com